Hey, Party People! *New* In Honor of Knock Knock Jokes - added 3/4/20

Have you ever heard of 'Knock knock' jokes? It's like 'Who's there?', right? and it's always just something funny. It is. You're right! (Bob's Burgers)

Can you believe it? About knock-knock jokes? I mean, they're not all funny. The one about the interruipting cow makes me uncomfortable. (Bob's Burgers)

*New* A TicTok jingle for Jensen - added 3/4/20

Tic Toc do do do do (Steve Miller Band))

Hey, Party People! *New* Allie is weezing up a storm :) - added 2/5/20

Weezy! (Toy Story 2)

It's Weezy! (Toy Story 2)

Weezy, you're fixed! (Toy Story 2)

The beloved Weezy (Simpsons)

I'm talking bout Li'l Weezy!

What was her name? Weezy, or Florida or something. (Family Guy)

Hey, wait a minute. Where's Weezer? (Community)

Allie-like laugh from Wacky Races

Hey, Party People! *New* Misc. Stuff - added 1/26/20

C'mon, wake up, wake up! Ya lazy good for nothing! C'mon, wake up! (Looney Tunes)

This is gonna be a trainwreck. Ooh, I love trains! (Regular Show)

Me likey. Me likey, too. (Master of Disguise)

*NEW* I honour of new Board Op Destiny - added 1/26/20

Destiny (Empire Strikes Back)

Destiny 2 (Empire Strikes Back)

It is Destiny (Empire Strikes Back)

It is Destiny 2 (Empire Strikes Back)

Hey, Party People! *New* Hallmark Channels for Allie :) - added 11/30/19

New Hallmark Channels (Tosh.0)

Hallmark Christmas Movie parody (Tosh.0)

*New* Next time Allie tries to say 'Magnanimity'! (Let's face it, this clip will come in handy a LOT!) - added 11/30/19

It appears I've made a slight error in pronunciation. (SpongeBob)

Openers / Closers

Well, well, well. Look who's here. So happy you could grace us with your presence. (Freaks and Geeks)

I just want to say, I'm disgusted with the two of you. You get out of here! (Hey Arnold)

Uh, the beat's about to kick in. You know what? Turn it up. (Bob's Burgers)

OK, is everybody ready for facials? (Hey Arnold)

And what are you geeks looking at? The show's over! (Hey Arnold)

Goodbye! Don't forget to take your lameness with you! (Back at the Barnyard)

They're back. Ugh, with their stupid music! (Sanjay and Craig)

(singing) Amadeus, Amadeus, Rock me Amadeus. Are they leaving, Dad? No, can we try another station? No, no, no, it's good. After this one we can change it. (Bob's Burgers)

Seems like ages since I've heard his voice. I wonder if it'll be the same when I hear it again. I can't stand this waiting, this waiting, the suspense. I can almost hear him now. Oh, I hope he hasn't changed. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't. Ten more seconds and I'll know. Five seconds. Two seconds. There it is... (Jack Benny)

One morning at five o'clock the disc jockey was a little groggy and instead of a record he put on a buckwheat cake. Well, he was off the air for two hours until he scraped the batter off his needle. (Fred Allen)

All right now, we've got a show to do, so scamper! Get busy! Scamper, scamper, scamper! (Just Say Julie)

That is the sickest thing you guys have ever done. Two words: Get over it. (MST3K)

Hey, let's turn on the radio and see what's going on. OK. *static* (Jack Benny)

Oh what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful dawn. (Jack Benny)

Gosh, what a novel idea for radio. (Fred Allen)

The show's about to start. Good, I'm anxious to hear this guy. (Jack Benny)

*drumroll* Hiya folks, and welcome to our little club. This is your orchestra leader and master of ceremonies. Are you glad to see me? *weak applause* Well, we've got a nice crowd here tonight. (Jack Benny)

Say, you're plenty fast on the trigger. You should be on the radio. You've got everything it takes, good looks, a nice speaking voice and what a personality. You ought to be on the radio with me. I'll get you places. You'll be a big star. (Jack Benny)

Let's hear it for the monkey!

Is this a happy ending or a sad ending? It's an ending. That's enough. (Simpsons)

Get out! Out out out out out! (Simpsons)

This scene is getting old, man. I'm hitting the road. Maybe I'll drop you a line someday from wherever I wind up in this crazy old world. (Simpsons)

You can blabbety blabbety balbbety, I'm getting out of here. (Bobs Burgers)

Get the hell out of here! (Simpsons)

This show is so funny. It's the only time I forget the face of the man I killed. (Bordertown)

What cowards we are. Why are we afraid to do our own radio show? After all, how big an egg can we lay? (Martin and Lewis)

CBS don't know how lucky they are. (Bob Hope)

Now are we done? We're done. (Freakazoid)

Oh, you're on the radio. What do you do? (Martin and Lewis)

Well, it was fun, radio, wasn't it? (Martin and Lewis)

But I know how it is when you're starting a new show. It seems like only yesterday that I was worrying about my radio program. In fact it was yesterday. (Bob Hope)

Oh, how ridiculous. You're always bringing me to these silly radio shows, Louise. (Martin and Lewis)

Why don't I turn on the radio? All right. (Great Gildersleeve)

Radio's masters of the macabre. (Murder at Midnight)

Don't be fooled by the radio. (Styx - Grand Illusion)

It was terrible, just terrible! I'll never get over it as long as I live! (Don Knotts )

Are you two acting even more infantile than usual this morning? (SpongeBob Squarepants)

Beg your pardon, Mr. Mc Gee. Someone about the radio. (Fibber McGee and Molly)

Once again we caution you, if you frighten easily, turn off your radio now. (Lights Out)

Well, you boys did a bang up job. You're really going places. Like home. Go home. (Regular Show)

One more remark like that you'll be sent off the broadcast. (Dads Army)

We ought to be on the air by now. What's happening, engineer? Don't worry, I'm just waiting for the standby light. Should be through at any minute. Good. Right, standby everyone. (Dads Army)

You ready to step into the musical cocoon and emerge a rock and roll butterfly? (The Goldbergs)

We have to like it. It's been decided. There's no getting around it. (Bordertown)

Good morning, Miss Evans. Oh, I've forgotten my line. What's her line? What's her line? Good morning Captain Scott. Oh, yeah. Good morning cap... Oh, I'm just not really very happy with that line. Hey, can I do it all sort of kooky like this: Hi Scotty! (Monty Python)

Things were said, mistakes were made. Let's end this madness and get on with our lives. (Simpsons)

Come on. Wake up, slut. (Scrubs)

OK. I suppose that's how they say good morning in cuckoo town. (Scrubs)

I tell you what, nothing says good morning like a drunken human alarm clock. (Scrubs)

Is this really what we've come to? (Spongebob Squarepants)

*To the 'Sanford and Son' theme* Quiet down, now. It is time to watch the show. Yes it's started. Don't be licking me no mo'. (Scrubs)

Morning, sunshine. Never say that again. (Scrubs)

Morning, sunshine. I don't like that. Nobody seems to. (Scrubs)

Well, hello there. Hello. Yes, what a surprise to see you. Why didn't you let me know you were going to coming over. Can I get you something to eat? Yeah. What? Cookie!

Most mornings I wake up sobbing, but this morning I woke up screaming, and I couldn't stop. I need this to end. This has to end. (The War of the Roses)

All right, pussywillows, back to start postions. (Wreck It Ralph)

Game over! What a rip off. (Wreck It Ralph)

All right, ladies. The kitten whispers and tickle fights stop now. (Wreck It Ralph)

All right, now listen up cause I'm only going to say this once. Fear is a four letter word, ladies. You want to go peepee in your big boy slacks keep it to yourself. It's make you mommas proud time! (Wreck It Ralph)

Doomsday and armageddon just had a baby, and it's ugly! (Wreck It Ralph)

(singing) La La Lee... Oh, a radio. (Three Stooges)

Get out, and take that radio with you! (Three Stooges)

He wants us to take over. What are we waiting for? C'mon! *radio static* (Three Stooges)

I don't want to make you any trouble, my friend, but this thing's gone far enough. As a matter of fact, it's gone too far. And something's gotta be done! (Three Stooges)

Oh, my thing is on! Everyone, shut up! Shut your mouths! (30 Rock)

No, no, not again! This is real, people. This is not a drill! Let's go! Yeah! *alarm sound* (30 Rock)

Once again, I apologize that our regular comic OD'd at a gay man's apartment this morning. (30 Rock)

Ugh, why do we have to get up so early? I'm going to need more coffee. Coffee's for people who don't have adrenalin! (Regular Show)

***NEEDS A BEEP*** What are you doing in so early? Shit the bed? I haven't done that for weeks. (The Office) ****NEEDS A BEEP***

I want to banter with you guys in the morning, but I guess I panicked and made a Hitler reference. (New Girl)

The worst episode ever! Rest assured that I was on the internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world. Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain? I feel they owe me. What? They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free, what could they possibly owe you? If anything you owe them. Worst episode ever. (Simpsons)

Well, at least I liked it. Didn't I? Oh, you don't want to know what i really think. Now look sad and say 'D'oh'. D'oh. (Simpsons)

Look at this breakdown of yesterday's show. Kaboom! What happened here? Lightning hit the transmitter? (Simpsons)

We should thank our lucky stars they're still putting on program of this caliber after so many years. What else is on? *static* (Simpsons)

And we're back. We are now ready to heighten our foreplay to petting. The male may fondle her back and arms. The female, if she is so inclined, may latch on to his honker. (Kentucky Fried movie)

I got up at five thirty in the AM this morning. Five thirty in the goddam AM. You want to know why? (Workaholics)

Here's some more advice. Beat it. (Parks and Rec)

Um... Goodbye. (footsteps) (Muppet Movie)

Let's get the hell out of here. Warp 8! (STNG)

Elvis has left the building. Thank you and goodnight. (Elvis Live at Madison Square Garden)

Good morning, reasons why I drink. (Scrubs)

It's time to laugh again! *crazy laughter* (Simpsons)

Good morning, gutbuckets. Time to wipe the crud from your eye sockets and bite the wind of another Wednesday. (Pete and Pete)

C'mon. Where are we going now? On the air! (Peewee's Big Adventure)

Doesn't it look like I am ready? I am always ready! I have been ready since first call. I am ready! Roll! (Peewee's Big Adventure)

Let's begin, shall we? SHALL WE? (Peewee's Big Adventure)

Do we have any Mexican-Americans with us today? Well, buenos dias. (Peewee's Big Adventure)

Hello, children. Hello. Here is this mornings story. Are you ready? Then we'll begin. (Monty Python)

So you can all go on home and there's nothing to worry about. Get out of here, now. Go on home! Go home. (Wizard of Oz)

Now go! (Wizard of Oz)

Woo-hoo! So long, suckers! (Spongebob Squarepants)

Later, buttlicks. (Scrubs)

Well, back to the drawing board. (Baby Bottleneck)

Well, back to the drawing board. (Baby Bottleneck)

Well, back to the drawing board. (Green Acres)

I don't even know what to say about this. I was like, whaaat? I don't even know what to think. I was really confused, like I just couldn't tell if it was serious or not. It was like really funny, I liked it a lot. It's hilarious, I was dying. I was laughing, but laughing out of distressed confusion. So, like embarrassing, like if I was doing that I would never be able to show my face in public again. (Teens React to What Does the Fox Say )

Better than life. Scary. Hilarious. It's disgusting. It was intense, I liked it. It was really disturbing, but it was also really funny. (Teens React to Lordes)

It's better than I remembered. No, no it isn't! It's horrible! (Simpsons)

I said NO! (Wet Hot American Summer)

Let me think about it... No! (Simpsons)

Morning, losers. (Simpsons)

You guys have a good time here. I mean it's gotta be still fun for you or you wouldn't do it. Is it fun to come in here every morning at six O'clock and do this? When I wake up at 4:30 in the morning, after I finish throwing up I always say 'Thank God' (KABC News)

*guitar riff* Wake up! (Wet Hot American Summer)

Well, this story has a happy ending after all. Just like my last massage. (Simpsons)

Adios, assface. (Scrubs)

See you later, sucker. He he he. (Peewee's Big Adventure)

See you in the promised land. Arrivederci, baby! (Peewee's Big Adventure)

Sadly we are reaching the end of yet another program, and so it's finale time. (Monty Python)

We've been here for over 3 hours now and I'm not sure if any of us can see what all this is supposed to mean. (Peewee's Big Adventure)

Right! That's the end. Stop the program. Stop it! (Monty Python)

I felt that ending was a bit predictible. Yes, indeed. There was a certain lack of originality. (Monty Python)

Ooh, we're gonna have fun. Hehe... yes... hehe. (Delicious by Jim Backus)

Morning, it's a sleazy morning out there. You're listening to K-PORN, Holmes and Reems in the morning, sleazy, slutty, music all morning long. (MST3K)

*snoring* *alarm clock* *rock music starts playing* *record scratch* Hey! What're you trying to do? You ruined my record, man, I just bought it. I don't care what you just bought, you get your little fanny perpendicular and get ready for school! I'm not going to school, I got and earache. Earache my eye! How would you like a butt-ache! (Earache My Eye by Cheech and Chong )

What are we going to do now? Well, we'll do like they did in the Bible. You know, Moses was being chased by the Egyptians, and he came upon the Red Sea, he stuck his arms out over the sea and the sea divided. Are we going to do like Moses? No, we going to do like the Red Sea. We gonna split. (Sanford and Son )

Well, I guess you little visit is over now, and you're welcome to say goodbye, and so long, and adios, and arrivederchi. In short you can get the hell out of here. (Sanford and Son )

I'm still getting out of here, and I'm going right now. Wait a minute, La Mont, what are you doing? I just told you, I'm leaving, and I should have done it a long time ago. (Sanford and Son )

And now folks my story is ended, I think it is time I should quit. If any of you feel offended, stick your head in a barrel of shaving cream, be nice and clean, shave every day and you'll always look keen. (Benny Bell )

Get your fanny out of bed and clean this room, it looks like a pig sty! (Cheech and Chong)

Ok, kids, Ok, Ok, that's all, that's all, we're off the air. Close the curtain. Gee, that was a great show. I think that's one of the best programs you ever did. Boy, you sure got a lot of laughs. Sensational. (Jack Benny Show)

Oh, go on, I want you to go! I hope a cannonball lands slap on you! I hope you're blown into a million pieces! Never mind the rest, I follow your general idea. Goodbye, Scarlett. (Gone With the Wind)

Well, this was fun. Let's do it again. Really, let's do it again. (The Blacklist)

Oh, darling, I'm not throwing you out of the house, I'm not throwing you out of the house, will you get out of here! (Arsenic and Old Lace)

Get out of here! Do you want to be poisoned? Do you want to be murdered? Do you want to be killed? Do you? They're nuts! Huh, you're telling me? (Arsenic and Old Lace)

So take that little squirt and beat it! (Arsenic and Old Lace)

Listen, handsome, I'm in no mood to debate the question. Are you getting out or am I throwing you out on your ear? (Arsenic and Old Lace)

Don't you bring in anyone else in here. Now come on, beat it. Both of you. (Arsenic and Old Lace)

And I've also decided that you're leaving. And I mean now. (Arsenic and Old Lace)

What are you two doing still here? I thought I told you to beat it. (Arsenic and Old Lace)

Now, look. You beat it. Before things start popping around here. (Arsenic and Old Lace)

All right. Let's get it over with. (Arsenic and Old Lace)

He died. (Arsenic and Old Lace)

I knew he was a foreigner. (Arsenic and Old Lace)

*NEW* I'm not a disc jockey, I'm a human radio station. Rant by the Black Pope. - Added 10/6/13

I'm not a disc jockey. I'm a human radio station. *long clip*

*NEW* Closers for Friday Show - Added 9/26/13

Well, let me get to the point. Let's roll another joint, and turn the radio loud.

So let's get to the point. Let's roll another joint and let's head on down the road, there's somewhere I gotta go.

Wake up, everbody! It's World War 3! Waugh! Quick, down to the fallout shelter, the bombs are dropping! 18 seconds. Hmm, if this were really a nuclear war we would all be dead meat by now. Say, you're all shivering, are you cold or what? (Simpsons)

Who knows what adventures they'll have between now and the time the show becomes unprofitable. (Simpsons)

Huh? I want to see what's on the other broadcast. Where's the oscillator on this thing? Consarn it, what does this do? Oh, I'll make my adjustments here and... *crash* *static* (Simpsons)

Begin... now. Who's going to stop us when it's over? We'll know, we'll know! All right, let's begin again. (Bob Newhart Show)

***NEEDS A BEEP*** You have to admit, it's over, it's done. We gotta get all these assholes out of here right now. ***NEEDS A BEEP*** (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Muchas gracias, Amigos, por todas las memorias. Y super gracias a Goya! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 5/28/13

Watch out, he's got his probe! (Simpsons)

Noooo! Nooo! Nooo! Ahhh! (Simpsons)

Shut up! Shut up! Oh my God, I don't care! (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia)

Whoa, whoa-ho-ho! Let's not go nuts! (Simpsons)

Is that Kevin? Kevin? Kevin, is that you back there? (Match Game)

I think our genius ain't appreciated here. Let's scram! (Three Stooges)

A bad beginning is a good ending. (Three Stooges)

If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking 'til you do succeed. (Three Stooges)

It's a radio. Turn it off! (Three Stooges)

Just a minute! This has gone far enough. Don't you know there are ladies present? (Three Stooges)

Do you mind if I continue? It's all right with me, but let's get going. (Three Stooges)

He's pointing where you are. You mean he's pointing where I was. C'mon, let's go! (Three Stooges)

Gentleman, please. The meeting is called to order, and we need quiet, not a riot. Otherwise we can't proceed. If you have any questions, or any suggestions that you'd like to make today, or if you have a notion to offer a motion, let's hear what you have to say. Come, speak up like a hero, your speech need not be rehearsed. Who's that? Oh, yes, it's Mr. Zero. (Three Stooges)

*click* Hey, who's been messing with the radio? This isn't alternative rock, it's college rock. (Futurama)

Let the freakout begin! (Simpsons)

You've got a lot of nerve waking me up in the middle of the night like this. (Dragnet)

That's it, the radio! I'll go on the most popular program of the day. I assume that's still Don Mc Neil and his Breakfast Club? Oh, get with the times, man. It's Jerry Rude and the Bathroom Bunch. Oh, I don't think Mr. Burns will like that show. What's the matter, think I'm not hip? I don't have enough Vo-De-Oh-Do? (Simpsons)

Now, Mr. Rude, I just want you to know I'm a good sport. If you want to make fun of my legendary love of cashews, you have at it. Uh huh. All right, how many times a day do you go to the can? Oh, about 40 I suppose. When are we going on the air? We're on the air now, Skeletor. What? Question two: How long is your wiener? Seriously. Great Heavens, what kind of radiola show is this? How about this, when was your first gay experience? Oh, well, when I was six my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay old time. Ho, ho, I ate my share of wieners that day. Oh, that sounds lovely. *cough* Queer! Queer! Ever murder anybody? Murder? Well, mistakes have been made. Monty, I've heard you're a pretty flatulent guy. Any comment on that? Now see here - *farting sounds* stop that! Attention wireless listeners, most of the sounds you hear are not being made by me. Stop! Stop! Won't someone please stop the farting! Ohhh! Don't worry, folks, he's not dead. I still hear some faint sounds of life. *farting sounds* (Simpsons)

No, don't follow me. And don't zoom in on me. I'm off, that's it. That's all. I'm off. (Monty Python)

Look, I think we better call it a day! (Monty Python)

Well, that seems to be about all we have time for tonight, unless anyone has anything else to say. Has anyone anything else to say? (Monty Python)

We'll be back again same time next week. Til then bye-bye! (Monty Python)

Well, all good things must come to an end, and that's all for this week. (Monty Python)

Let the great experiment begin! (Arrested Development)

Welcome swingers! Pull up a groove and get fabulous. (Futurama)

C'mon boys, let's tear this mother down! (Freaks and Geeks)

*long clip* You guys are going to love this. Hey, how are you doing and what do you know. I'm glad you could be here to see my show... (MST3K)

Weird Al's polka version of 'Let's Get it Started' (Weird Al)

All right, well, that was fun. I think you guys should head out. Why don't you guys hit the road, we'll do it another time. (The Mindy Project)

I think you have a very fine show, it's smart, it's filled with talent of the highest order. I think it's the best show in radio. Would you like to come back again some week? I'd rather die. (The Big Show)

After all, I am in charge of the biggest show in radio. This mish-mash is the greatest show in radio? (The Big Show)

You are about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in show business. (The Big Show)

Well, I'm back on radio again, and it's like coming home. In my book radio is still big time, like this Big Show. (The Big Show)

Gosh, when I started out in radio the Lone Ranger was just a Boy Scout. (The Big Show)

I'm doing real great here. So far I'm a straight man for a station break. (The Big Show)

I wanna tell you, it's a great thrill to be on this Big Show, ladies and gentleman. (The Big Show)

They have another fella here running around with some headphones on. He's listening to see how the other networks are doing. (The Big Show)

Welcome back, we always could spot a friend. (Welcome Back / John Sebastion)

OK, so you're heartbroken. You sit around moping, crying, crying. You say you even thinking about dying? Well, before you do anything rash... Dig this. (Everybody Plays the Fool / The Main Ingredient)

Let's just kiss and say goodbye - 1. (Let's Just Kiss and Say Goodbye / The Manhattans)

Let's just kiss and say goodbye - 2. (Let's Just Kiss and Say Goodbye / The Manhattans)

That cigarette you're smoking scared me half to death. Open up the window, sucka, and let me catch my breath. (Momma Told Me Not to Come / Three Dog Night)

Radio is blasting, someone's knocking at the door. I'm looking at my girlfriend, she's passed out on the floor. I seen so many things I ain't never seen before. Don't know what it is, I don't want to see no more. (Momma Told Me Not to Come / Three Dog Night)

I have nothing left to say to any of you. So if nobody minds let's just run out the clock. (Simpsons)

Let's blow this pop stand and never look back. (Simpsons)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go appear in a tortilla in Mexico. (Simpsons)

Now, if you have any questions - well I could give a crap. I'm going home. You all get paid too much for doing nothing anyways. (Scrubs)

You people with your slight differences disgust me! I'm going home. (Futurama)

Well, that was pointless. (Futurama)

And now it is time to say goodbye. Goodbye. (Looney Tunes)

I can't help but feel that if we knew each other better my leaving would actually mean something. (Simpsons)

All right! Sober up and try to listen to this!

Now let's go get some pancakes. (Simpsons)

It's a fine show. Not a best of, but a fine, fine show. (Larry Sanders)

The show's going great. Yeah, it's going great. It's like the Hindenberg. How much longer til you start shouting 'Oh, the humanity'? (Larry Sanders)

All right, I'll go. You don't have to be a jerk about it. (Simpsons)

So long, jerkwads. (Futurama)

Well, that was disgusting. Worst ending, ever. I think I'm going to be sick! (Simpsons)

We're done. Done done. And not a moment too soon. (Simpsons)

(singing) There is something worse, and it really does blow. When a long running series does a cheesey clip show! (Simpsons)

Dear Lord! They're back! We're doomed! Doomed! (Futurama)

Ok people, listen up. Let's not get cocky just because we have the home field advantage. Now you all know your stuff, just stay clear headed and we all blaze through this. (Freaks and Geeks)

Let this abomination to the Lord begin! (Futurama)

Now, let's get this over with! *Krusty laugh*(Simpsons)

Just when I thought they couldn't get any stupider. (Spongebob)

*static* Maybe my program's over here. (Judy Canova Show)

Gosh, this don't sound like my program. (Judy Canova Show)

Ladies and gentleman. For a more authentic presentation portions of the program you are about to hear were recorded on the scene. (Dragnet)

Uh Oh! Another gooey morning mess. Who needs that stress? (Commercial)

Maybe I should just leave. Maybe? Goodbye! Double goodbye! (Seinfeld)

Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. (Monty Python)

Well, I'm going straight out of here an I'm going to tell the police exactly what you do to people and they're gonna make bloody sure you never do this again! There! What do you think of that? What do you think of that? (Monty Python)

Well, that was all in good fun, and we've all had a jolly good laugh. (Monty Python)

OK. Cheerio. Good luck, son. Right, everybody out! I'm off. I'm off. I'm off. I'm off, dear. I'm off. I'm off, too. I'm off. (Monty Python)

You know the right radio frequency can take out this entire block. (Dragnet)

Go home or leave town or hang yourself or anything you like. Just go away! Away! Right now! (Gunsmoke)

Make tracks. Scurry away. Scram!(Bugs Bunny Cartoon)

We're back! Bully. (Parks and Rec)

Well, I am not usually one for speeches... So goodbye. (Parks and Rec)

Dawn is nigh, Zorp the surveyor approaches, and all Earthly debts will be repaid to the original source of life in the universe. Last call for donuts. (Parks and Rec)

Radioactivity! That means it's a place where we do Radio-activities. *click* *music comes on* I'm happy to be exposed to that kind of radioactivity! (Simpsons)

Excuse me! Are there any strippers here? Former strippers? Non dancers, but you're feeling a little bit drunk? (Parks and Rec)

You have terrible morning breath. Brush your teeth, get dressed, let's jam. (Goldbergs)

You were amazing! That's the hardest I've laughed at a guy not dressed like a bumble bee. Hey, a guy dressed like a bumble bee! (Bordertown)

You know, you sound just like that guy on the radio! (Bugs Bunny)

Go on home. All of you! The circus is over. (Kirk Douglas in Ace in the Hole)

Can we go home? These guys are freaks! (Fairly Odd Parents)

I'm so ashamed. I've never done anything like that in my life. I going to have to leave while I still have my dignity. Too late for that! (Just Say Julie)

I ask you to stop what you're doing. I don't just mean this, I mean everything. The show, the music, it's all just awful. (Family Guy)

There's something wrong with the radio. Shake it! Hit it! Kick it! (Jack Benny)

What the hell was that donkey dung? Not our best show, but we'll get 'em next time. (Bobs Burgers)

I used to hate mornings, like those cats on the coffee cups. But now I love them, because of this show. (Bobs Burgers)

I think we've given you a lot to chew on, so we'll leave you with that. And possibly see you Monday. (Life in Pieces)

It turned out OK, I think. No, no, honey. I think it did. No, no. I think people liked it. (Bobs Burgers)

(singing) I wished my radio worked. (Bobs Burgers)

All right, let's get out of here. Let me just go to the bathroom. (Bobs Burgers)

Well, that was a mess. Let's not do that again, ever. Right guys? OK, all agreed. (Bobs Burgers)

Oh my God, please! Just end this! We're not get any younger over here. (Bobs Burgers)

The preceding program which follows was immediately pre-recorded to give the cast time disguise themselves before leaving the studio. (Laugh In)

C'mon, Harold. Let's get out of this ass parlor. Stinks. Ah, OK. (Bobs Burgers)

Ugh. I'm already bored. (Bobs Burgers)

Good morning, Sunshine. Feel as good as you look? (Goldbergs)

**long clip** Good morning song **long clip** (Family Guy)

OK, OK. Break it up. Show's over. Next demonstration tomorrow morning. Go on! Scram! (Bugs Bunny Cartoon)

*long clip* Farewell! Au revoir! Don't forget to write! Goodbye! etc... (Bugs Bunny Cartoon)

I am ready to go over the sound effects if you give me my cues. I will be a very good sound effects man, I think. (Judy Canova Show)

If someone had asked me just this morning is there any way that I could have had less respect for you two geniuses I would have said no, that's not possible. But lo and behold you went and pulled it off. Congratulations, but I'm fresh out of blue ribbons. So you'll have to settle for a lifetime supply of my foot up your ass. (Scrubs)

Hey, Party People! *New* Goodbye Bean, a la Dickie Goodman - added 11/3/19

Goodbye Bean cut in song. (Just call me Dickie Edwin?)

Speaking personally I never have any trouble in getting up in the morning. My pussy's just like an alarm clock. (Are You Being Served)

I must say, the staff don't look too happy. I think we're all just getting over the early start, sir. Still, they'll soon settle down. (Are You Being Served)

I hope they don't go on with this early morning experiment. The way I see it they're bound to. (Are You Being Served)

This early morning start could become a way of life (Are You Being Served)

Hey, Party People! *New* How do you know Kevin? - added 9/17/19

How do you know Kevin? Soccer. Church. Desert Storm. (Bob's Burgers)

I'm not a nerd! I'm a video game enthusiast! (Bob's Burgers)

Yay! (Famous KnB clip played backwards)

Hey, Party People! *New* It was the third of September :) - added 9/1/19

Any movie with 'waka chicka waka' in it is ok by me. (waka chicka waka) It was the third of Septmber. The day I'll always remember. (MST3K)

Hey, Party People! *New* Opener for Friday

First of all, let it be Friday again! (Fairly Odd Parents)

Hey, Party People! *New* Kevin loves Kristen Stewart!

Allie: And November 2, Kristen Stewart for her second time. Kevin: Love her.(Kevin and Bean Show)

Dear idiots of Earth, you should not be transmitting. We have a protocol to destroy any and all life we discover. You are lucky I got this message and not my boss. He's a real pain in the glorb. Anyway, I have to tell him about this. Maybe he won't want to destroy your planet. I'll let you know tomorrow. In the meantime do not transmit any more signals. (Bob's Burgers)

Today is Monday. Thanks for telling us. (Are You Being Served)

And knock that radio off! I'm sick of hearing it! (Dragnet)

Hey, Party People! In memory of little B.B. (Bye Bye) Birdy (Added 6/16/19)

Collage of Three Little Birds plus sfx

Regular version - Three Little Birds by Bob Marley

*NEW CLIPS* Going to English Radio! From the Fred Allen Show. - Added 3/31/19

Tell me, what is radio like in England? I hear it's a bit of a the old drab. The old drab? On the contrary, Fred. British radio is quite jolly from sunup to bedtime. It's a real rooty-toot.

Why is getting up at 6:00 AM like a pig's tail? That's a poser, Gracie. Why is getting up at 6:00 in the AM like a pig's tail? It's twirly!

I have an idea. I think I can revoloutionize British radio.

I'd like to do a radio program over in England.

*long clip* Our radio program starts with a tally-ho horn.

*NEW CLIP* From Hogan's Heroes - Added 3/3/19

Unedited clip

Edited clip

*NEW CLIPS* Eat It or Beat It Clips - Added 2/16/19

Beat it 1

Beat it 2

Beat it 3

Eat it 1

Eat it 2

Eat it 3

Eat it 4

*NEW CLIPS* Some great starters - Added 2/10/19

Ah, look! Radio! Radio! Uh Huh! Yep yep yep yep yep! (Sesame Street)

Radio! Radio! Radio. Radio. Yep yep yep yep yep! (Sesame Street)

*alarm rings* Time to get up. Hey, Bert! Oh, Bert. Time to get up, Bert. The alarm just went off, Bert. (Sesame Street)

Ah, feels good. Oh, yeah. Well, let me just do my vocal warm ups. Bee bim bop... Bee bim bop... We're good on this end. You all ready to rock and roll? Sure, Hank. We go live in three, two, one, action! (David Alan Grier on The Cool Kids)

These guys talk funny words. Oh, yeah. They're a riot. (SpongeBob)

*NEW CLIP* Me likey

Me likey. Me thinkey you are a twerp. (Bratz)

*NEW CLIPS* Starters from Afred Hitchcock *ding* and a special surprise - Added 12/2/18

This concludes our entertainment. So until next time when we shall bring you another story. (Alfred Hitchcock Presents)

I'm sure you can identify the first voice in this clip, she's one of your favorites!

Well, I'm just dying to hear more, but I've got to run. What is the big rush? You don't want to spend a whole evening with a bunch of bored, lonely unattractive people with no place to go and nothing to do! Of course not. That's why I'm leaving!

*NEW CLIPS* Starters from The Andy Griffith Show - Added 11/19/18 (Yes, I know you are not Mark and Brian. Otheriwse there would be Elvis clips, too!)

Now what was the first thing you said this morning at the breakfast table. First thing? That's right. First thing I say every morning. What's that? Yeech!

How about a nice 'good morning' just for a starter? Morning! No, not 'Morning!' Nice and polite, like 'Good morning'.

Now c'mon, give it a try: Morning. Morning. Dear. Dear. Now you again Fred. Morning, Honey. Morning, Honey! Now that wasn't so bad, was it? It wasn't so good neither. I'd rather be called skunk face than honey like that.

Now that wasn't half bad for a starter. Now, we'll do this every morning till you get the habit. What? Do this every morning?

*NEW CLIPS* Starters and Enders - Added 11/18/18

Did somebody say crank up the volume? No one said crank up the volume. Dammit! (Simpsons)

That is all of tonight's entertainment. We shall return next week with more of the same. (Alfred Hitchcock)

*NEW CLIPS* News Flashes - Added 11/18/18

We interrupt this program to bring you a special news bulletin. Flash! Country overrun by men from Mars! Millions of Martians are landing in our fields! Strange creatures are dropping from the stratosphere! Crisis in Washington! President asks people to be calm! Everything's going mad I tell you, utterly mad! Stay tuned in to this station for late reports! (Looney Tunes)

And now for another fast breaking news story we take you to Kermit the Frog (Sesame Street)

*NEW CLIPS* - Disenchantment Clips - Added 8/276/18


Bean, no!

No! Your cruddy life is worth living, Bean.

No! You're not a murderer, Bean. Well, you did kill that one guy...

So wakey wakey, nutbag.

Sorry, Bean. I heard that guys that go with you end up dead.

Bean! You doing anything weird in here I should know about?

Like I always say, I'm proud of you, Bean. You've never said I'm proud of you. Well, today I got dangerously close.

Great job, Bean. I hope you can sense my sarcasm through your druken haze.

What? Beeeaaan!

Bean, no. You are beautiful, and your skin is so soft, and your hair smells like butterscotch. But you're wrong!

Ta-da! Did you miss me? Yes, but never fly into my mouth again.

I dedicate this next song to the memory of Bean.

Bean! Go to your room!

Out! Get out! Begone, damn you!

Bean is possessed by a demon!

Morning miseries begin at 5:00 AM. Wow, I thought Hell was bad.

*NEW CLIPS* - Beat it, Kid!

What, are ya waiting for a receipt? Beat it! (MST3K)

Buzz off, kid! (MST3K)

Beat it, pegleg! (Simpsons)

Beat it, ya hippy! (Simpsons)

Beat it. Both of you! (Arsenic and Old Lace)

Here's some more advice: Beat it! (Parks and Rec)

Beat it, weirdos! (Simpsons)

Get yourself an egg and beat it. (Weird Al)

Beat it, Sticky Joe. And don't come back! (Teen Titans Go!)

Beat it, kid. (Big Hero 6)

Now let's get an egg in our shoe and beat it. (Adventure Time)

I said beat it! (Flintstones)

Now beat it! (Simpsons)

*NEW CLIPS* - Added 7/15/18

I know what will cheer you up. We listen to funny morning zoo on radio. *click* You're listening to backwards KFMB. I am the penis, here with buttocks. Hello, buttocks. Ah, humor. (Family Guy)

OK radio, time for you to tell me what this all means (Family Guy)

Good morning, One Eyed Oscar. What gets you up so early? (Pippi Longstocking)

I worry about a superhero named Kevin that drives a Camaro (MST3K)

Anyone for penis? (Simpsons)

*NEW* Endings for Friday - Added 7/15/18

You were listening? Oh, that means I gotta come up with an ending for this nonsense! (Simpsons)

Can't we just call this? Send everybody home. Who Cares? I mean, what are we doing here? (NBA game)

*NEW* Bean's back, HOORAY!- Added 4/29/18

Oh, honey, our baby's back! Chocolate milk for everyone! (Fairly Odd Parents)

Bean! Bean! Bean! (Futurama)

Why, the Prodigal Son has returned. (Toy Story 2)

We gotta use the old bean! (3 Stooges)

Call right now and we'll upgrade your bean absolutely free to the new and improved bean deluxe. (Infomercial)

Stay tuned to see how you can get a free upgrade to the new bean deluxe. (Infomercial)

Orson Bean! (Match Game)

Seems like ages since I've heard his voice. I wonder if it'll be the same when I hear it again. I can't stand this waiting, this waiting, the suspense. I can almost hear him now. Oh, I hope he hasn't changed, I couldn't stand it, I couldn't. Ten more seconds and I'll know. 5 seconds. 2 seconds. There it is. (Jack Benny Program)

We're very glad to have you back. I'm assuming. (Community)

*NEW* Misc. - Added 4/29/18

Oh, I get up at the crack of butt, so I've already done a ton of cool things today, already. (Sanjay and Craig)

And just so you know, before we get started, I hate Kevin. (Ringer NBA Podcast)

*NEW* Jiminy Glick on Bogarting - Added 10/15/17

The stoners! People on reefer. Smoking spliff. Stoney dudes and chicks! That's wonderful. People are high. Flying high. Smoking. Passing a doobie, and hoping not to bogart it. I love those people!

*NEW* Misc. - Added 4/23/17

So you know I'm a mouse, right? Good thing I'm not a cat then. Rowr! Woof! Rowr! (Back at the Barnyard)

I've heard that. It's a fun fact. (Bobs Burgers)

*NEW* FBI Clips - Added 10/9/16

You should work for the FBI (Bobs Burgers)

The FBI? (Cleveland Show)

*NEW* NOOO! Clips - And a great What? Clip - Added 10/9/16

Noo! (Joe from Family Guy)

Noo! (Tina from Bobs Burgers)

Noo! (Longer Tina from Bobs Burgers)

N.O. No. (Cleveland from Cleveland Show)

Whaat? (Bobs Burgers)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 10/9/16

It's just so... Ironic? No, stupid. (Breadwinners)

I like kale. Kale! There's nothing wrong with kale. (Bobs Burgers)

You're creeping me out. (Bobs Burgers)

*NEW* Parrot Clip ('nuff said) - Added 6/19/16

So, what is this truly about? Nothing, Sensei. Just talking about... Parrots... like we usually do. (TMNT)

*NEW* Farewell to 'Bordertown', Part Two. - Added 6/5/16

*slow clap* Bravo... is where that belongs. Because it's gay. (Bordertown)

I'm gonna close my eyes, but don't worry, I'm still listening. *snore* (Bordertown)

When did it become abnormal to avoid eye contact while reciting train statistics? (Bordertown)

I don't know how you say 'no' in Spanish, but I assume it invloves blowing a horn or something. *air horn* (Bordertown)

No! (Bordertown)

Uh oh, Bud. I think it's time to go! (Bordertown)

You're listening to Scalpers Football Radio- At least Mexicans haven't taken over everything. -for the last time. Scalpers Radio is now Q-Mex! *Mariachi music plays* (Bordertown)

Yeah, Bud. Put your penis where your mouth is. (Bordertown)

Maybe you're right. Nah. Or... Nah. Or... Nah. Or... Nah. (Bordertown)

Sounds to me like what you need is more experience being kicked out of places. *falling sound* Like us on Facebook! (Bordertown)

I'm gonna bounce for an hour. Adam Carolla is signing 'Man Show' DVDs down at the local Petco. (Bordertown)

Stop singing. Please stop singing. (Bordertown)

*NEW* Misc. - Added 5/22/16

The only one who understands me is Flavor Flav! (Goldbergs)

And you can't just go in and honk them. It's all about the cuppage. Be gentle, those puppies are sensitive. I just wanna bury my face in them. We all do, but you gotta earn it. (Goldbergs)

I'm worried. How are your loins? Have they stopped burning? Is your heart still aflutter? (Goldbergs)

Her breasts sound very complicated. (Goldbergs)

Noo! Noo! (Bordertown)

What?! (Bordertown)

*NEW* Misc. - Added 5/15/16

Shut up! (KJRK)

Shut up! #2 (KJRK)

Well, that's quite enough of that. (Monty Python)

That's it, you've gone too far. Go Home. I'm not arguing, go home. (Dads Army)

Welcome, ladies. Legs should be comfortably apart, about 18 inches or so. (Dads Army)

Well, don't think it hasn't been interesting. Because it hasn't. How about a nice game of gin rummy? (Abbot and Costello)

My God, this is terrible! Will somebody please stop it! (Monty Python)

Either go home or go back into quarantine. Hit the bricks! (Parks and Rec)

Now, from the beautiful downtown Burbank annex of Buckingham Palace... (Laugh In )

Bart, your mortal enemy is on the radio! (Simpsons)

Allright, let's play some more music. Let's get this thing active, Let's go! Hyped up! (KJRK)

Shut it down, shut it all down! Shut the whole damn thing down. Attention! Bring all laughter and exhilaration to a complete stop. The terrifying good time is on hold. (Simpsons)

Look, I don't want to be rude, but you sad losers should go suck somewhere else. *door slam* (Simpsons)

***long clip*** Now they're moving up to the starting line. There's a jolly good crowd here today. They're under starters orders. And... they're off! Oh, no they're not. No, they didn't realize they were supposed to start. Nevermind, we'll soon sort that out. The judges are explaining it to them now. All set to go. Oh, and they're off! It's a fast start this year! (Monty Python)

*NEW* Call the FBI and Batman - Added 11/15/15

Call the police! Get the FBI! Call Scotland Yard! Phone Batman! (The Munsters)

*NEW* Misc Clips - Including a Rowr! - Added 10/11/15

*rowr* If you ever make that horny cat noise at me again I'll reach in your mouth and unscrew that 7 watt bulb that barely keeps your brain open for business. (Scrubs)

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, this is a whole new level of nerd. (Parks and Rec)

*NEW* Coffee Clips - Added 5/21/15

I like coffee

So, how long have you liked coffee?

Weren't you saying something about coffee?

Finally! Coffee! Woo-hoo!

Coffee? Thanks, that's better than sex!

The coffee guy. I like coffee.

Popeye music 1

Popeye music 2

*NEW* Duck sounds for Kevin's Favorite Hockey Team! - Added 5/17/15

Intro to the Blue Danube, then quacking. (Would make a great start to the morning sound collage)

More quacking to the tune of The Blue Danube

Loud quack

*NEW* The Chucklehead Song! From Fibber McGee and Molly ***long clip***

The Chucklehead

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 11/23/14

Nice hair, Kevin. You look like Robert Patinson. If he were stupid! (Night of the Living Fred)

Because, Kevin, I was invited to be here as a partygoer. Therefore you are my host. So, if you wouldn't mind, could you get me a coke, please? Kevin, are you being a good host? (Night of the Living Fred)

What? (Night of the Living Fred)

hot, sticky and smells funny. (Big Show)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 9/28/14

Will you please shut up! (The Big Show)

Tuna, anyone? (The Big Show)

A genuine Bob Hope saying 'Wassat?' clip (The Big Show)

Wally and the Beaver make up a story about their dad working for the FBI. (The FBI!)

Hey, Party People!

*NEW* Weird Al clips - Added 8/10/14

Oh, you're like Jello, there's always room for Weird Al. (Just Say Julie - My Very Own Show)

It's Weird Al! Look everybody, it's Weird Al! Weird, I was just listening to your album, is it available on records and cassettes? And compact discs. (Just Say Julie - My Very Own Show)

Weird Al's polka version of 'Closing Time'

Mr. DJ won't you turn the music up? (Polka song by Weird Al)

Weird Al's polka version of 'Wannabe'

*NEW* Dave's Grandma? - Added 3/30/14

What's a walf? A walf? Yes, and three little pigs. Oh, you mean wolf, big bad wolf. Oh, yeah. And who do you think is hanging on his tail? I don't know, who? Donald Duke. That's duck, not Donald Duke, duck. Who, me? No, not you, you Mickey Moose. Mickey Moose? (The Girl from Mexico)

*NEW* Celebrity Names page - Added 1/26/14

Click for Celebrity Names Page

*NEW* Long intro from a Bob Hope special (ends with Bangkok!) - Added 1/26/14

Intro to the Bob Hope 1967 Christmas Special

*NEW* Homer isn't a fan of either Super Bowl team - Added 1/19/14

Seattle? Hahahaha... Seattle... (Simpsons)

Aw, the Denver Bronocos! (Simpsons)

*NEW* A Tapir clip - Added 6/9/13

Oh, honey, look! The Tapirs! It says here the babys lose their pajama-like coat after their first year. Isn't that interesting, honey? Yeah, mind-numbingly interesting. (Futurama)

*NEW* For the next time Petros starts talking about the Bachlorette - Added 6/9/13

Shut up, P. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 5/28/13

Looks good. Let her rip. It's what we've been waiting for. (Tron)

Oh, a radio. Two aerials. (Three Stooges)

We gotta use the ol' bean. I couldn't look another bean in the face. (Three Stooges)

Oh, geez! That's just awful. (Simpsons)

So, another Friday is upon us. (Simpsons)

Thank god it's Wednesday. (gulp) It's Friday. Uh, oh, wrong pills. A little help? (Simpsons)

*NEW* FBI clips - Added 5/28/13

They might be FBI. (Three Stooges)

FBI, huh? No, I be Curly! *smack* (Three Stooges)

*NEW* Lindsey Lohan / Amanda Bynes clip? - Added 5/28/13

Say, for a dummy she sure gets around. (Three Stooges)

*New* Touching tribute to Mother's Day - added 5/12/13

I hate Mother's Day, you dribbling pukes! (Futurama)

*NEW* Florida Clips and some openers/closers - Added 4/14/13

There, Florida! (Commander Mc Bragg)

Florida is our most penis shaped state. (Bob's Burgers)

Enough's enough! It's time to end to this madness. Let's put this freakshow on ice. (Spongebob)

I must be off to a party myself. (Commander Mc Bragg)

But I really I must be going. I must be going, too. (Commander Mc Bragg)

We doing this? Let's do this! (New Girl)

I got up at 5 o'clock, I made myself a cup of tea, I looked out the window. Well, by then I was so worn out I had to have a sit-downl(Monty Python)

No. I don't want to go. Not now. Not ever. No. (Community)

Great! Great, great, everyone. Lunch now, lunch. It's all in the can. Good morning's work. (Monty Python)

I've had it with this child's play! I'm going to end this, the only way it can end; with me the winner! (Ren and Stimpy)

This place is a miserable suckhole, run by two pothead losers. (Parks and Rec)

What's that noise? It's just the radio, dear. (Simpsons)

Shut up, Kevin! (Community)

You're a bleedin' racist you bleedin' are! (Monty Python)

*NEW* Kevin is a special friend - from Mr. Show - Added 2/23/13

Kevin, you sweet boy, can you hear me?

He's a young fella, he's a real trooper, this one. His name is Kevin, and I'd surely like to bring him out here. Kevin, if you would come out here now. Give him a round, it's hard for him to come out. Here he comes. Oh, the wait was worth it.

Now, Kevin, you manage to do some things, don't you? I sleep, I eat, I take a bath, I watch pornographies. He loves his porno.

Kevin is lazy, folks. He doesn't want to do anything. Now, we all know that 'Idle hands are the Devil's playground', and Kevin is a shining example of the beautiful sin of sloth.

This is a song for Kevin.

*NEW* More from Devil's Advocate - Added 2/10/13

Bravo, Kevin. Bravo!

No, no, no, I want Kevin on this case. I hope you're kidding. Kevin? Hah! You're dreaming.

I take Kevin, and I don't look back.

Kevin, hang on.

Kevin? Kevin! We talked about this, remember? Pressure. Take a big whiff.

Kevin, make love to me. (Charlize Theron!)

They took my ovaries, Kevin! (Charlize Theron!)

*NEW* Openers and Closers - Added 2/10/13

Good morning to you. Good morning to you. Good morning dear Foxy, I'm glad to see you. Dooby dooby dooby doo. *ding ding* Let's go! (Smile Darn Ya Smile)

Hmm, looks like maybe it's time for us to go. *bugle plays* Now I'm sure it is. (Hoppity Hooper)

Later, bitches. Later bitches? What, they're just leaving? Wait, why are they leaving? Where are the cops? (It's Always Sunny in Phillidelphia)

All right, that was nice. That was very hot, sweaty, passionate, milky. Now let's get out of here, let's sneak out of here. Start a life together, let's get out of this crazy place, together. C'mon, let's go. Sneak me out. Please tell me you understand what I'm saying. Do you understand me? Do you understand? Oh, you don't understand, do you? Oh, my God. This has all been for nothing. (It's Always Sunny in Phillidelphia)

*NEW* Al Pacino from Devil's Advocate with advice for Kevin - Added 2/10/13

***NEEDS A BEEP*** Kevin, there's nothing out there for you. Don't be such a f****ing chump! ***NEEDS A BEEP***

What's the game plan, Kevin? It was a nice run, Kev, had to close out someday. Nobody wins them all.

*NEW* Friday Opener - Family Feud survey question 'Name Something That Gets Passed Around' A joint! - Added 1/20/13

Name something that gets passed around. *buzzer* Chris? A joint. A joint? It's the only thing I can think of! Now Chris, I don't know what hundred people you thought we were talking to at some nice little mall across good 'ol America, but I'm pretty sure the people didn't tell the survey people: 'Hey, an illegal drug.' Let's turn around and see how many weedheads are out there with Chris. A joint! *ding*

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 1/13/13

Ballers and ballerettes, fasten your seatbelts. The perfect party begins - *clink* - Now! (Parks and Rec)

Hey, can I go? Gail's making a roast. (Parks and Rec)

OK, men. This is the hour of our prominence. On my signal - charge! (Regular Show)

Good show! Jolly good show. Ta-ta! (Regular Show)

It's on. It's on, it's happening. Oh, it is? Yeah, it is happening. This is happening right - these are the first moments of what is happening right now. This is the beginning of what's happening right now. You want to get your hands dirty? Yeah, man! (New Girl)

*sigh* Let the madness begin (Spongebob)

You're telling me to go home? Well, I don't care where you go, just as long as you get out of here! (Spongebob)

Hey, you! Wake up right now! (It's Always Sunny in Phillidelphia)

This was literally the most beautiful and moving thing I have ever heard. *sob* (Parks and Rec)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 1/13/13

I always thought you were a midget! (Simpsons)

I too am on more lists than I'd care to be. Lists at the CIA, the FBI, LL Bean. (King of the Hill)

Hello, nice to - ss - hi. (Sklar Brothers podcast)

Laraine Newman hates Dr. Drew! *long clip* (Pop My Culture podcast # 103, 1:00:06 mark)

I'm sick he said. I'm so sick I could vomit. (Dragnet)

Ipecac? It's the stuff that makes you barf. Smart move. Basically a get out of work free pass. Yeah, it makes YOU barf, dude, cause nothing makes me barf. It's weird, I've got a a stomach of steel. Adam, scientists developed that. It would make you vomit. Because scientists made this? Who believes in scientists, dude? I'm going to give this a little test-aroo. Hmm, that's weird, definitely don't feel like barfing right now. No, wait - Ugh! No, I'm barfing. Ugh! I'm barfing right now. I'm not barfing. Wait, I'm barfing - Ugh! I'm barfing. Those scientists better check their hypotonueses, dude. Oh, God! *barf* (Workaholics)

Hey, Party People!

*NEW* Vomit Clips - Added 12/3/12

Hey, let's stop by that dumpster and make out. Hold that thought. *barf* (Simpsons)

He was vomitting. Vomitting? *barf*(Fawlty Towers)

You've ingested a dangerous amount of alcohol. The only dangerous amount is none! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Miss DD Clips - Added 11/25/12

Great Ceauchescu's ghost! Are those real? (Simpsons)

What's this? It's enormous! Oh, my God! There's another one! (Simpsons)

Your endowment's bigger than Harvard's! (Simpsons)

Look at those mogumbos! (Simpsons)

Guess how many boobs I saw today, Marge? Fifteen! (Simpsons)

My Mc Guppies became bazongas! (Simpsons)

Doesn't it bother you that they're giving you all this attention just because of... those? (Simpsons)

Now for the first of our 82 commercial breaks. Then you can see more of my boobs! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers and Closers - Added 11/25/12

And as the sun sinks slowly behind our soggy scenery we take leave of our friends once more. With saddened hearts, and tear-filled eyes we... Wait a minute, we're coming back again with another story! Sure, we'll be back before you can say 'toy boat' three times real fast. (Hoppity Hooper )

Thanks for nothing! (Hoppity Hooper )

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Croak and you croak alone. (Hoppity Hooper )

Turnit off, Fillmore! (Hoppity Hooper )

Bye, everybody! What a ripoff! It ain't even worth torching! Whoa, where's everyone going? What's wrong? This place is the height of tedium. Yar! She blows! (Simpsons)

Beat it, ya hippy! (Simpsons)

Aw, you are so full of it! It's really sickening! Now get out! (Simpsons)

The dream is over. Shut her down, boys! (Simpsons)

Would you people get a life? (Simpsons)

Well now, what do you want, a tip? Get out! Go, go go! (Scrubs)

I'm not finished. Oh, yes you are! (Simpsons)

Hey, Carl, turn up the car radio. Why not? Anything goes today. (Simpsons)

Stop! This has gone on just long enough (Simpsons)

And the Lord said, let there be crap. (Simpsons)

Would you two mind stopping with your baby games! Didn't anybody tell you it's the break of dawn? (Spongebob)

*NEW* Puke Clips - Added 11/25/12

And now, ignorant whale lovers, we'll see who's boss as I make Mooshu jump through this hoop. Jump, Mooshu! Who wants a fish? *barf* Mooshu is sad! It just keeps coming and coming! (Futurama)

Cool, the NBC newsfeed. Mmm, feed. You get to see what they do during commercial breaks. We'll be right back with a special report on soccer moms who hate soccer. Clear! Oh, Lord. I'm so fat! *barf*! (Simpsons)

Shut your puke-hole, punk! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 11/25/12

So, Kevin, I hear you collect amusing postcards. (Simpsons)

What happened to you? You used to be about the booze. (Simpsons)

I have no idea who that is. (Simpsons)

I've already forgotten his name. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Election Clip - Added 11/5/12

I am looking forward to an orderly election which will eliminate the need for a violent bloodbath. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Kidney Clips - Added 11/4/12

Dear God! This man's kidneys have exploded! (Simpsons)

Well, you could give him a kidney. A kidney! OK, fine. You see, the waiting list for a kidney is very long, and... I said fine. What is it about the word sure you don't understand? (Simpsons)

You're really brave to go through with this operation. The doctor said it's just a procedure. Nah, nah, nah, making palenta, that's a procedure. You're talking about deadly life threatening surgery here. (Simpsons)

Plus they'll put you on one of those organ donor sucker lists. Everybody who wants an eyeball, or a spine, or a vestigal tail will be after you. But I don't want that! (Simpsons)

With only one kidney you won't be able to drink yourself stupid no more. (Simpsons)

Hey! Quit harvesting me with your eyes! (Simpsons)

But if I die during the operation will you do one thing for me? Blow up the hospital. (Simpsons)

Let's have a look at the old chart. Hoo boy! Looks like we're both short on time, so I'll go to the big finish. (singing) You are so beautiful, to me. Feel better! (Simpsons)

I'll get my kidney back, old man! You have to sleep sometime. (Simpsons)

We helped ourselves to a kidney. (Simpsons)

You've done a wonderful thing. Yes, you've shortened your life significantly so someone else can have a slight extension of theirs. (Simpsons)

I don't need two kidneys, I have everything I need right here. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 11/4/12

Dude, that's disgusting! You ruined my day! I'm telling the boss. Boss! Boss! (Whitest Kids U Know)

It's starting! Our favorite show! (Rocko's Modern Life)

Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides? Murder suicides! (Simpsons)

Wake up, you lousy drunk! (Simpsons)

At first they were cute and funny, but now they're just annoying. (Simpsons)

Before I was just bored with their antics and merchandise, now I wish they were dead! (Simpsons)

And that's the end of that chapter. (Simpsons)

All right, people, nothing to see here. Yeah, show's over, allright. Move along. (Simpsons)

It wasn't supposed to be this way. *sob* It was supposed to be a thing of beauty, not this abomination! (Simpsons)

This is legal, right? Yeah, sure. Whatever (Simpsons)

Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to evil. (Simpsons)

Don't worry, Dad. We'll be dead in five minutes. Not fast enough! *explosion* (Simpsons)

Bart, your mortal enemy is on the radio! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 11/4/12

Sure is easy when they're stiff like this. (Simpsons)

Put a sock in it, mushmouth! (Simpsons)

He's definitely dead! (Simpsons)

He's dead! (Simpsons)

I'm pretty sure she was going to be the next Hitler! (Simpsons)

There, we're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise. Say, I couldn't help but overhear, I represent the Arizona Cardinals - Keep walking! Good decision there, Homer. (Simpsons)

That girl sleeps with everybody! (Simpsons)

Holy flurking shnit! (Simpsons)

You intergalactic hussy! (Simpsons)

I stand by my ethnic slur. (Simpsons)

Don't do dat! (Simpsons)

Don't do that! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 10/17/12

P.U. When is this over? (Simpsons)

We'll take you where you need to go. Climb aboard the party bus and join the party. (Regular Show)

You can't stop the party bus once it's started! Right everybody? (Regular Show)

It's not over 'til I say it's over, ladies! (Regular Show)

Gentleman, you've taken me by surprise, I'm must say that I'm not prepared to put the show back on. Oh, It won't take much preperation, we've already got the staff back. How can I clarify this. Ah, I don't want to put the show back on. (Larry Sanders Show)

Tch tch tch. You can't do that on the air. (Orson Welles Radio Almanac)

*NEW* Dead Clip - Added 10/17/12

No, they're dead, dead, dead! (MST3K)

*NEW* Barf Clip - Added 10/9/12

*Barfing sounds* Hooray! It's just like Mardis Gras! (Futurama)

*NEW* Halloween Clips - Added 10/7/12

Everybody knows Halloween is just a free pass for girls to dress like sluts. They just have to call it a costume. (Cleveland Show)

Trick or treat, bitches! (Cleveland Show)

Oh, I hate Halloween. (Simpsons)

Happy Halloween, everybody! (Simpsons)

Happy Halloween! (Simpsons)

I just love Halloween. (Addams Family)

I'm taking back Halloween! (Cleveland Show)

I love Halloween. (Cleveland Show)

Trick or treat, smell our feet, give us something good to eat. (Freaks and Geeks)

Hi, fellow Halloweenies. Did I scaredilly-dare you? (Simpsons)

I've got a story so scary you'll wet your pants. Too late! (Simpsons)

*NEW* 'Mug' Clips - Added 10/7/12

Were you always a mug? (Bob Hope radio show)

You're just a mug at heart. (Bob Hope radio show)

*NEW* Misc. Openers/Closers - Added 10/7/12

I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there, religous types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them I advise you to turn off your set now. C'mon, I dare you. *chicken clucking* Chicken! (Simpsons)

Well, it's broadcast time again and we're all set to hold up our mad musical pow-wow. (Martin and Lewis)

You'll all get yours in hell, you lying, thieving, blanking blankers. (Simpsons)

You're so tough you know when you walk down the street the people run into their houses. Yeah, then you come on the air and they run right out again. (Bob Hope radio show)

That was an awful storytime! (Regular Show)

Let's turn on the television/radio set and see what's on the air. Gad, is he still on the air? That man must be 150 years old, and that's pretty near as old as his jokes. But I hear he doesn't chase women like he used to. No, he doesn't. He now chases them is a jet propelled wheelchair. (Groucho Marx radio show)

Well, another Friday has snuck up on us and our old familiar gang is on hand. Only this time we're in unusaul surroundings. (Martin and Lewis)

Well, it seems impossible but here we are face to face with Friday again with all the old familiar elements on hand. (Martin and Lewis)

Adios, sayanora, see you when the first parent dies. (Arrested Development)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 10/7/12

Oh, I wish I were dead. Dead, do you hear me, dead! (Groucho Marx radio show)

No, they're dead, dead, dead! (MST3K)

Oh, my God, Kevin. (Parks and Rec)

Wait a minute, don't reach for your rod! (Bob Hope radio show)

What do the fellows on this program call you? There must be some way to answer that and still stay on the air (Bob Hope radio show)

*NEW* Candy Corn endorsement from Freaks and Geeks - Added 9/10//12

I like Pixie Sticks. Pixie Sticks rule. No way! Chunkys are the best. Uh uh, candy corn my friend.

*NEW* Openers and Closers from Lost in Space episode 'War of the Robots' with Robby the Robot and Robot B-9 - Added 9/9/12

I am here. Good morning to you. (Robby the Robot)

Good morning, everyone. I trust you all slept well. (Robby the Robot)

Shall we go to work sir? Sure thing, let's get with it. (Robby the Robot)

If no one else requires my services I shall retire until needed again. (Robby the Robot)

You, sir, have reached the end of the line. The joyride is over. What is my course of action? A quick departure seems a very good choice. Are you sure there is no other solution? None whatsoever, goodbye. Then I will go. (Robot B-9)

You will be back. They all come back. (Robot B-9)

*NEW* Suggestions to add between stories on Bean's Death Corner - Added 9/5/12

He's dead, Jim. (Star Trek)

She's dead, Jim. (Star Trek)

8 bit version of 'Taps'.

Well, life goes on. Except for you! Hahahah! (Futurama)

Dead, dead, dead, dead! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers and Closers - Added 9/3/12

*buzzer* Dear God, not again! (Simpsons)

*Yawn* Hey knucklehead, get out of that bed, we've got a program to do. Will you quit yappin'? Six O-clock in the morning, who's up to listen to us, a couple of burglars and a dics jockey maybe. (Fred Allen Show)

And that's that! (Popeye)

That's all I can stand, cause I can't stand no more! (Popeye)

What? What do you want? C'mon, what? It wasn't that bad, was it? C'mon! I liked it. (MST3K)

Oh, brother! That was pathetic! Eww! Hey, no, I thought that was really good you guys, you're doing really well, and I think some day you'll be ready for the Nobel Prize. Maybe for fiction. (MST3K)

*****NEEDS SOME BEEPS***** So what's the big ****ing deal? What the **** are we doing out here, I ask you? What in the **** are we doing here? Hell, I don't know! (Newscast) *****NEEDS SOME BEEPS*****

Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy? (Simpsons)

It's Captain Bringdown and the Buzzkillers! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 9/3/12

Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly. That's code for check out the slut.(The Office)

Choke on your lies! (Simpsons)

Details of your idea are without interest. You may dispense with the explanation. (Lost in Space)

I do not think you are funny, Senor Kevin. (Casa De Mi Padre)

Dr. Drew said the best way to quit drinking is by going cold turkey, and he's a doctor, so why would you question doctors? (Workaholics)

How dare you! (King of Queens)

How dare me? How dare you! (King of Queens)

It's a sausage competetion. Oh, like sausage eating? Yeah. Oh, nice. King of the kilbasa. I bet it's delicious. It is. You can get tickets online at pick a dick dot com. (Newscast )

click here for entire video of above, very funny!

*NEW* Spiderman 1967 Cartoon clips - Added 6/20/12

Spiderman Theme Song

Spiderman! Your webs are useless against me, for all the power of electricity is mine! (Electro)

Spiderman, no one can interfere with my plans! I'll stop you with my all-powerful arms! (Dr. Octopus)

Today I rule the swamps, tomorrow the world! (The Lizard)

I control the skies! Run you fools, run! With my sonic device all flying things are hypnotized into doing my bidding! (The Vulture)

And now for the final blow! *punch* I'm not the greatest stuntman in the world for nothing! (Mysterio)

You win the round, Spiderman, but I win the fight! Remember the black box! (Kingpin)

Once I unlock the secrets in this book I'll have supernatural power! Have a pumpkin, dearie! (Green Goblin)

*NEW* Soco & Cola commercial reminds me of Kevin! - Added 6/7/12

You can't just go around making up new words. You know what would happen if everyone made up new words whenever they wanted? Chaos! (Soco & Cola commercial)

*NEW* Openers - Added 6/3/12

We're gonna have lots of fun, come on and join us. Sure, there's always room for one more. (Rocky and Bullwinkle).

Well, here we go again. *witch's cackle*. (Rocky and Bullwinkle).

*NEW* Most Homo-erotic thing ever on Kevin and Bean! Is it Kings Hockey talk, or George Takei's Fantasy??? - Added 6/3/12

That was just one on one. It wasn't like a bunch of guys in a pile and it squeaked through. I mean, it was a one on one attack and he made it.

It's like a pinball game in there, you don't know who's hitting it and what it's bouncing off of and all that kind of stuff.

He really did just throw it in, which is illegal. He reached down and pushed it in with his hand, Lisa! Look, sometimes you're desperate!

Full version of Hockey Talk

*NEW* Suggestions for Dirty Hockey Talk - Added 6/3/12

That was just one on one. It wasn't like a bunch of guys in a pile and it squeaked through. I mean, it was a one on one attack and he made it. Oh, My!

It's like a pinball game in there, you don't know who's hitting it and what it's bouncing off of and all that kind of stuff. *Takei laugh*

He reached down and pushed it in with his hand, Lisa! So much beef!

Look, sometimes you're desperate! Augh!

*NEW* Clip from Hollywood Squares - Added 6/3/12

Q - What does a person from Philadelphia dunk his pretzel in? A - A girl from New Jersey!.

*NEW* More Classic Video Games Endings - Added 5/26/12

Donkey Kong end of game. (better quality than the other one I posted)

Boot Hill end of game.

Donkey Kong Jr. end of game.

Ms. Pacman end of game.

Pacman Jr. end of game.

Dig Dug end of game.

Mr. Do end of game.

Tron end of game.

Moon Cresta end of game.

*NEW* Next time Lisa says 'So much beef' play these! - Added 5/26/12

I'd like to request a wiener. Me, too! Wieners! Wieners! Wieners! (Spongebob Squarepants)

One wiener later. (Spongebob Squarepants)

*NEW* Closer - Added 5/26/12

I'm not impressed. (Spongebob Squarepants)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 5/20/12

I don't know what you're saying, it all sounds so crazy to me. (Simpsons)

Batman and Robin are...? Queer. (Match Game)

I can't get your song out of my mind. I haven't felt this way since 'Funky Town'. (Simpsons)

Geez, pick up a book. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Radio clips from 'Behind the Mike' - Added 5/6/12

With a switch of the dial radio brings you tragedy, comedy, entertainment, information, education. A whole world at your command.

And now, presenting a man whose name has been a symbol of the best in radio since the beginning of broadcasting.

Ladies and Gentlemen, long before most of you have risen from your downey cots a certain young man is standing before a microphone introducing a radio program.

And here is one of radio's most charming and lovely young sinners.

Be sure to listen again next week when will we bring you the story of a man who makes a living dying on the radio.

We in radio believe that radio has a tradition of which it can well be proud. A tradition of good programs that lingers fondly in our memory.

We've had some people on this program who make their living out of radio in unusual ways..

***long clip*** Radio essay by a high school student: 'Often I think the radio has become so thoroughly a part of us that we fail to realize how much we owe to it's mysterious powers... ***long clip***

Gee, I'm tired. I gotta to do something to keep awake. I'll try tuning on the radio.

Have you ever wondered who those gurgling, clinging, bawling babies that you hear on radio programs really are?

Hello, Fred. Hello, Jack. You're going on the air in about 20 seconds. OK Fred, you stand by, you'll be on in 10 seconds. I'm standing by

Say buddy, you got a radio back there, what do you say you turn it on? No thanks, I don't want to hear the radio. Well, maybe you don't, but I do. Oh, I see. Well, where do you want me to turn it? You turn the dial, I'll tell you. Yeah, that's right, right there. Now turn on the juice.

In case he makes any boners on his new announcing job.

If anybody was late for an early show they were subject to dismissal.

Oddities in radio. Presenting odd little true stories that help make radio sometimes amusing, sometimes exasperating, but always interesting to the people in it.

Can you sing, play the piano or tell jokes? If you can we'll put you on right away.

To show that even the best announcers make mistakes once in a very great while, we present what people in radio call fluffs, or mistakes of famous announcers.

Those gay people who amused you in the days when nobody knew if radio was here to stay.

A regular fella, a swell guy, a grand talker, and an old timer in radio.

You may do a lot of bawling on your program.

I hear you gets up very early down on that farm of yours. Yeah, that's right. In fact, five o'clock in the morning. Uh-huh. That's AM. Howcome you get up so early?

*NEW* Opener and Closer and Misc. - Added 5/6/12

All systems go! Prepare for countdown: 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 Blast off to adventure! (Ren and Stimpy)

Go on, get out of here! Who needs ya? (Ren and Stimpy)

How dare you! (Rocko's Modern Life)

*NEW* Obviously clip - Added 4/26/12

Obviously (The Middle)

*NEW* Ant Man clips from SNL - Added 4/24/12

Ant Man gets ribbed by the other superheroes. *long clip* (SNL)

*NEW* Obviously clips - Added 4/22/12

Obviously. (Dwight from The Office)

Obviously. (Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark)

*NEW* Openers/Closers and Misc. - Added 4/22/12

Allright, listen. You're all terrible at what you do, here, and I feel like I should tell you I'd fire all of you if I could, (Bob's Burger's)

Quiet! Shut up, before I knock you silly! (Pinnochio)

Alchohol may have been a factor. (KABC news)

It appears alchohol may have been a factor in their decision. (KABC news)

What? (Pinnochio)

*NEW* Joss Whedon clips - Added 4/8/12

Joss Whedon's here? (Futurama)

They're probably just waiting for Joss Whedon. (Futurama)

*NEW* Nerd Clips - Added 4/8/12

Nerd! (Simpsons)

Did you get a load of the nerd? (Simpsons)

Listen to yourself, man! You're hanging with nerds! (Simpsons)

These boys sound very nice but they're clearly nerds. (Simpsons)

But nerds are my mortal enemy. (Simpsons)

Uh Oh! Nerds! (Futurama)

Kids, if we've learned anything today it's that you parents were right. Comic books really will rot your mind! (Freakazoid)

Say 'Nerd'. Nerd! (Futurama)

This is a job for the Green Lantern, Thundra, or possibly Ghost Rider. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Brad Williams On April Foolishness?

Beware of the midgets, they're taking over the world. (Foul Play)

Beware of the dwarf! (Foul Play)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 4/3/12

Hello, everybody. (Fran Drescher on the Simpsons)

You do know that radio broadcast was a hoax. (Simpsons)

We've being invaded, by a pompous radio ham. (Simpsons)

This sure is a swell show you're putting on for the folks. Well, I just hope our saucy little radio prank will give these 'folks' as you call them a giggle, a gasp and provide a good lead in for Mrs. Amos and Andy. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Adam West clips - Added 2/26/12

Who's Adam West? (Big Bang Theory)

*gasp* Adam West! (Simpsons)

That's not the real Batman. (Simpsons)

Gosh! It's Batman! (Tiny Toons)

*NEW* Great show ender - added 2/26/12

Is it just me, or are they worse than usual lately? Oh, they're worse, which is hard to believe cause they weren't that great to begin with. (The Middle)

*NEW* My Whitney Houston tribute - Added 2/19/12

I finally made myself realize that to love yourself is the greatest love of all. Um, no. No, that's not really true at all, in fact. (King of the Hill)

What? (Adventure Time)

No no! (Spiderman)

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the song which you have just broadcast. (Monty Python)

I'm so sorry. I think she has Asperger's or something. (Parks and Rec)

Strong words. Strong, bewildering words. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 1/23/12

This has got to stop now! (30 Rock)

Screw this. The rest of you can stay here like dorks, but I'm going home. (Simpsons)

All right, show's over. (Simpsons)

Run for your lives, everyone! This is not a drill! (Simpsons)

In my long career I've seen some pretty shabby things. But this putrid fraud out-stinks them all. (Simpsons)

The madness ends here. (Simpsons)

I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 1/23/12

You don't have a problem with the Norweigans, do you Skipper? No, I'm ambivalent towards those fjord loving sons of Vikings. They did invent the cheese slicer. Well, point for Norway. (Penguins of Madagascar)

Oh, you are so on that things have now become very much like Donkey Kong. (Community)

Now, a word from my god, our sponser. (Simpsons)

That's not funny! (Simpsons)

The people you are referring to are hipsters.They walk slowly because they have no place to be, man. (King of the Hill)

(George Takei) Oh, my. (Futurama)

*NEW* Gary Coleman on the Simpsons - Added 12/11/11

Well, what do we have here? Looks like the biggest ripoff since 'Webster'. (Simpsons)

What you talkin' bout everyone. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 11/13/11

Can I turn on the radio? By all means. I'm trying to get music to hunt snails by. (Addams Family)

KZMB, all zombie radio *zombie moans* (Simpsons)

I've been asked to tell you that the following show is very scary, with stuff that might give your kids nightmares. You see, there are some crybabies out there, religous types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them I advise you to turn off your set now. C'mon, I dare you. *buck buck buck* Chicken! (Simpsons)

No, no, no, no no! Everyone, get out! Allrighty, boys. Party's over. (Spongebob)

Did that really happen, or was it just a wonderful dream? (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 11/13/11

A friend with weed is a friend indeed. (Leprachaun 5)

Man, what am I smoking? Oh yeah, pot. (Simpsons)

What? (Cleveland Show)

Noooo! (Simpsons)

*NEW* The perfect clip for Kevin and Beer Mug! Added 9/18/11

You're late. And drunk. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 9/18/11

You're leaving is our Christmas! (Simpsons)

Why? Why would you do this? What did I ever do to any of you to make you say those incredibly hurtful things? (American Dad)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 8/30/11

Get out, all of you, go on, get out! I'm turning you all out. I'm not having my house filled with filthy perverts. Now look, I'm giving you half a minute and then I'm calling the police, so get out! (Monty Python)

Now get out, the bar is closed. *groan* (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 8/30/11

Whaaaat? (Simpsons)

Noooo! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 8/14/11

Well, we're very glad to have you back, I'm assuming. Yeah. Uh huh. OK. (Community)

Lisa's right, we're nothing but a big bunch of losers. Show's over, folks. Go home. (Simpsons)

Man, you'd think the quality would dip after 5500 shows, but ... Well the FCC isn't laughing. (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 8/14/11

What? (Simpsons)

What? (Simpsons)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 8/7/11

I don't understand it, they play three chords and whine about their lives and the crowd goes nuts. You have to listen to the words, country music comes from the heart. It comes from the ass, right in the middle of the ass. (American Dad)

What is a Regis Philbin (Animaniacs)

What?! (Jack Benny Show)

*NEW* Openers/Closers - Added 8/7/11

Let's cut out the small talk because we have a very important show to do. (Jack Benny Show)

Turn on the radio. OK. *static* (Jack Benny Show)

No, No! Don't turn it off, turn it on, loud! Your radio, turn it on! OK. *click* (Jack Benny Show)

Goodbye. Goooodbye! (Jack Benny Show)

Goodbye! (Jack Benny Show)

*NEW* Weird Al Clips - Added 6/16/11

Weird Al on the Simpsons. (Simpsons)

He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life. (Simpsons)

I just sang a song parody, Dad, like Weird Al Yankovich. Bobby, Al Yankovich blew his brains out in the late 80s after people stopped buying his records. (King of the Hill)

*NEW* Openers / Closers - Added 6/12/11

*****NEEDS A BEEP***** Don't ask me back on this f***ing show again. What's that? I said don't ask me back on this f***ing show again! *****NEEDS A BEEP***** (Larry Sanders)

This used to be a cool station til they put these dorks on. (Beavis and Butthead)

Hey, look what I found. Granpa's old radio. Oh, wouldn't it be grand to gather around and have a listen? Well, turn something on, I'm starting to think! *static* Good evening, adults. We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a very special presentation: tonight's program is entitled 'We know all your secrets'. Boring! Go back to that infamy guy (Simpsons)

*NEW* Openers, a closer and a couple misc. - Added 5/30/11

Attention, everyone. This is an emergency broadcast. The unpleasant noise you are about to hear coming from your radio is not a mistake.Please do not turn off your radio but turn up the volume on your receiver as high as it can go so that you can make the sound we broadcast as loud as possible. (Godzilla vs Monster Zero)

Let's dance, dickweed! (Anchorman)

*****NEEDS A BEEP***** No More! I swear to God no more! One more, one more remark and I'll ****ing choke you with my hands! *****NEEDS A BEEP***** (The Larry Sanders Show)

You are even more stupid than I first computed. (Lost in Space)

What up, Party People. (Scrubs)

*NEW* Openers / Closers - added 9/19/10

They're coming! Those horrible, horrible things are coming! (Futurama)

Prepare for the stereo-phonic experience. (Futurama)

Transmission over! Well, that went OK. I tell you, when you know you can't scratch that's when you really have to, eh? *scratching noises* What? It's still on? Agh! *static* (Futurama)

What do you say we blow this pop stand for a spot of slap and tickle? (Community)

***needs a bleep at the end!*** Is that about everything? Anybody else want to be arrested or killed before we wrap this ******? (Gene Hackman in Postcards from the Edge)

We're finished, we're done. Game over, man! Game over! (Family Guy)

Well, goodnight folks, come again. I thought those deadbeats would never leave! (Spongebob)

Do they give a show to just anybody over there? Pretty much. (Spongebob)

Wow, that was pretty brutal even by my standards! (Futurama)

*NEW* FBI Clip - added 9/19/10

They said the Tooth Faery was a legend, but now he's head of the FBI (Futurama)

*NEW* Machete Clips- added 9/6/10

Machete! (Futurama)

Machete! (Pop My Culture Podcast)

We're going to miss you, Death. (Family Guy)

Stephen Hawking saying 'No' on Futurama.

*NEW* Death Clips- added 8/15/10

Hey you clods. Who died? (Larry Sanders)

Who died? (Mad Men)

I guess for my part I think death is a lot like that story, quite frankly. But if there is a God it'll be a lot quicker and half as painful. (Scrubs )

*NEW* Mel Gibson on the Simpsons - added 8/15/10

Marge wins passes to a Mel Gibson movie *long clip*

Is Mel Gibson here? No, sorry. Like all Hollywood celebrities he's attending benefits for various diseases.

Mel Gibson: The problem I have is people love me so much they never criticize me. I speed all the time, but cops never give me a ticket. If I don't pay my taxes the IRS pays them for me. Oh, you poor thing. It's hell being Mel

Mel Gibson: It's hell being Mel

Homer: Mel Gibson wants my help! Mel Gibson!

*NEW* Misc. - added 8/15/10

We both agree that she's nuts and she should shut up. (Mad Men)

I'm sorry, I don't speak geek! (Freaks and Geeks)

Early Kevin Ryder appearance on Dragnet? (Dragnet)

You look like Chewbacca - added 8/8/10

You sittin' there lookin' like Chewbacca. *crowd makes Chewbacca noises* (Barber Shop)

United Appeal for the Dead - added 8/8/10

*long clip* In the past year over 800,000 Americans have died. Despite millions of dollars of research death continues to be our nations number one killer. Hello. I'm Henry Gibson, speaking to you on behalf of the United Appeal for the Dead. Although so far there is no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still, everyone can aquaint himself with the 3 early warning signs of death. 1. Rigor Mortis. 2. A rotting smell. 3. Occasional Drowsiness. (continues) (Kentucky Fried Movie)

Openers / Closers - added 8/1/10

The World wants to know: you ready to give it another shot? Oh, I'm definitely ready. Good. Cue the bitches. (Tosh.0)

Radio is so cold. You stand up in front of a cold piece of steel called a microphone, no warmth, no beauty, no money. (Burns and Allen)

We interrupt "Battle of the Network Space Krakens" to bring you this special report. (Futurama)

Hello, losers! (Futurama)

*Krusty the Clown* I'll be beaming out 11 watts of wackiness! Hour after hour of unscripted, unrehearsed comedy! (Simpsons)

*Krusty the Clown* We've had lots and lots and lots and lots of fun, but now the time has come to go. (Simpsons)

*Krusty the Clown* See you some other time! *yay* *sigh* *click* (Simpsons)

What are we waiting for? Let's bounce, bitches! (Big Bang Theory)

I'm getting out of this madhouse! Goodbye! *door slam* (Burns and Allen)

Scram, beat it, go away! (Burns and Allen)

Openers for Thursdays - added 8/1/10

This is "Anything can happen Thursday."(Big Bang Theory)

It's "Anything can happen Thursday." Let's hit the clubs and meet hot women. Here we go, lock up your daughters, we're going to hit it and quit it.(Big Bang Theory)

Misc. - added 8/1/10

Call this an unfair generalisation if you must, but old people are no good at everything. (Simpsons)

Whoa! What are you doing? Motorboating! (Scrubs)

Misc. Clips

Now I want you to knock off that potty talk right now! (Simpsons)

I'll plug your hole! (Simpsons)

Linsey Lohan Clips

Lindsey, can it! (Freaks and Geeks)

You're a piece of work, Lindsey. (Freaks and Geeks)

Thanks a lot, Lindsey. (Freaks and Geeks)

Lindsey, what's wrong with you? (Freaks and Geeks)

Don't blow this, Lindsey! (Freaks and Geeks)

Why are you doing this, Lindsey? You're asking for trouble. (Freaks and Geeks)

Do you want Lindesy to get in trouble? (Freaks and Geeks)

Misc. - Added 8/9/09

Look what you did. I'm sick of it! (home movie)

Hey! Is that Barry Manilow? (Animaniacs)

Lay off the poor beavers, willya? (Freakazoid)

Why didn't you ever get married? I like meat too much. You could get married and still have meat. I didn't know that. (Freakazoid)

*NEW* July clips - Added 7/5/09

Time for me to bend over and receive my destiny. (Simpsons)

Show 'em what American butts are made of! (Simpsons)

I don't go in for these back-door shenanigens. (Simpsons)

I've been sodomized! (30 Rock)

You couldn't wait to get your butthole buddy in here! (Larry Sanders)

Sorry. You're butt was calling to me. (Freaks and Geeks)

Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear! (Family Guy)

You are a doctor, and you need to be able say simple clinical words like penis or vagina or anal. Anal is not a dirty word, sir. Tell that to my wife. (Scrubs)

Please welcome your hosts - If you haven't been probed by these two you haven't been probed. (Simpsons)

Everyone's laughing and riding and cornholing. (Arrested Development)

I suppose you want to probe me. Well, might as well get it over with. Stop! We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us. (Simpsons)

Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word 'butt'. (Simpsons)

Let's probe Uranus! (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

That's using your ass. (Futurama)

Front, back who cares? A hole is a hole. Can I quote you? Oh, don't be so judgemental. You could use some backdoor. (Sex and the City)

I'm just saying, with the right guy and the right lubricant... (Sex and the City)

*NEW* Homer singing along with 'Two Tickets to Paradise' and trying to win tickets - Added 6/14/09

Homer singing 'Two Tickets to Paradise' (Simpsons)

Get tickets! Must get tickets! Find phone! Yes! (Simpsons)

*NEW* June / Poon clips - Added 6/14/09

I guess a lot of things start smelling better when a guy grows up. (Leave it to Beaver)

Gentlemen, start your whacking. (Simpsons)

*NEW* NO! clips - Added 6/14/09

Homer: No!(Simpsons)

Homer: No!(Simpsons)

Homer: No!(Simpsons)

Dear God, No! (Simpsons)

Nay. (Simpsons)

*sob* This is not happening! This is NOT happening! (Simpsons)

*NEW* Leave it to Beaver clip - Added 6/7/09

Oh, you have a boy that plays with Beaver. (Leave it to Beaver)

*NEW* Old announcer clip - Added 6/7/09

That's a bad limb. Hop to the next one, pussy! (Catching Trouble - short film)

Other June / Poon clips

I guess I'd like to thank vaginas everywhere. They're creepy, and I don't know what they're for, but boy are they funny! (American Dad)

Full version of above

The Salute to Tuna. (Just Say Julie)

Could you mean vagina? Because if you do I want that covered. (The Office)

Sounds like the beaver had quite a day. (Leave it to Beaver)

Goodnight, beaver. (Leave it to Beaver)

Oh yes, Beaver is much kind to everybody. (Leave it to Beaver)

Oh, dear. Heaven knows what I told her to sit on. (Leave it to Beaver)

I like where this is going. Giggity, giggity, gig - i - ty.

Giggity, giggity, giggity! *boing*

Hooterville clips - Added 5/21/09

1. Hooterville. (Green Acres)

2. Can't you find a simple little place like Hooterville?. (Green Acres)

3. Hooterville! All ashore that's going ashore!. (Green Acres)

4. All right darling. You can drive me to Hootersville now. (Green Acres)

5. When do we get to Hooterville?. (Green Acres)

*NEW* Hitting birds with a shovel? - Added 5/21/09

I could hit it with a shovel. (Futurama)

*NEW* Your show is great to get baked to - Added 5/21/09

People always say your show is great to get baked to. (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

Hooterville clips - Added 5/13/09

1. And he showed her Hooterville's other big attraction. (Green Acres)

2. It's the Hooterville Cannonball. (Green Acres)

*NEW* Misc. Clips - Added 5/10/09

Meg White Clip

Skin like a China doll, and bosoms 'til Tuesday. (Simpsons)

Kevin or David Hasselhof's usual state

You drank too much, or too little, I forget how it works with you. Anyway, you haven't drank exactly the right amount. (Futurama)

Wacky Tobacky Clips. - Added 3/8/09

1. Man, this whole place puffs of the wacky tobacky! (Simpsons)

2. There's not enough weed in the world to make that show funny anymore. (Simpsons)

*New* Clips from the Gumby show. His dog, Nopey, only says 'No' - added 3/1//09

1. No, no, no no!

2. No!

3. French: 'no'. Russian: 'no'. German: 'no'. Japanese: 'no'. English: 'no'.

4. Same as above, just the 'No's

*New* Lard ho! Added 2/26/09

Lard ho!

Good God! Is this some kind of joke? No, they're serious! (Simpsons)

Fat (James Earl Jones from The Simpsons)

Eat! Grow large with food.

No thanks, maam. I'm actually gay. (Futurama)

She wears miniskirts and is promiscuous. (Futurama)

Of all the ripoff, screwjob, gyp-joint *sob* Forget you, pal! Thanks for nothing! *sob* (Simpsons)

Forget you pal! Thanks for nothing! (Simpsons)

*New* Clips From the Office - Added 1/25/09

1. Shut up, Kevin.

2. Are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all?

3. Kevin deserves to lose for what he said.

4. She looks like a monster.

*New* Clips Added 1/19/09

1. No, no no. You're fat. (30 Rock))

2. Medically speaking, for your height your weight puts you in what we call the disgusting range. (30 Rock)

3. How gay is this? (30 Rock))

4. You can't - you're gay. (30 Rock)

5. I could never eat this much meat. That's not what I hear. (30 Rock)

6. My body wouldn't let me violate the sacred bonds of marriage, sir. (30 Rock)

*New* Clips Added 1/14/09

1. When is modern science going to find a cure for a woman's mouth? (30 Rock))

2. I don't want to sound racist, but that pita-pocket might be a terrorist! (30 Rock))

3. Yes, obvious twins. (30 Rock)

4. Sweet Peaches, what have I done? (30 Rock)

5. God, I want to kiss you on the mouth to stop you from saying such ridiculous things. (30 Rock)

6. It's statements like that that make people say women are stupid. (Simpsons)

7. Girls should stick to girl sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such. (Simpsons)

*New* Gay Clips - Added 12/15/08

1. Stay away from me! I don't want to catch your gay. (American Dad)

2. They're checking for something far more dangerous: Gay! (American Dad)

3. You are a faery. (Simpsons)

4. It's a king-size flamer. (Simpsons)

5. The following people are gay. (Simpsons)

6. Oh, God. He's gay. This is it. This is the gay call. I've been ready for it for years. (American Dad)

7. I knew it! The gays got to you with their insidious ways! (American Dad)

8. Dude, we don't do that. I know. Imagine if we did, that'd be gay, right? (American Dad)

9. Gays! They're everywhere! (American Dad)

10. There are gays here. (American Dad)

11. Gay Song from American Dad *long clip*

12. What are you guys, homos? (American Dad)

12. Look what the homosexuals have done to me. (Arrested Development)

13. So then, it's cool to alienate Gays? Yes it is, son. Gays are the new Blacks. (American Dad)

14. I was so gay. (Simpsons)

15. We're lesbians! (Simpsons)

*New* Pot Clips - Added 12/15/08

1. My wife is not a doobie, to be passed around! I took a sacred vow on my wedding day to bogart her forever! (Simpsons)

2. That's the end of your Looney Tune, Drugs Bunny. (Simpsons)

3. Big yellow joint song. (Arrested Development)

4. I thought maybe you could get me some weed. (Arrested Development)

5. I think she's high on pot. (Freaks and Geeks)

6. You work here. This place is pot central, isn't it? (Arrested Development)

7. What a great pot party. Wasn't it, man? (Simpsons)

8. I call it an excuse for him to score his pot and wag his pickle at co-eds. (Arrested Development)

9. He's wacked out of his gourd! (Simpsons)

*New* Misc. Clips - Added 12/15/08

1. The most boring piece of garbage I've ever seen! (Simpsons)

2. He He He... Poo.(Simpsons)

3. It's a joke. Ha Ha! Everybody laugh at the funny joke! Ha HA!(Simpsons)

4. Right from the start I had a bad feeling about that gig. (Simpsons)

5. First I blow him, then I poke him. (Arrested Development)

6. Even for a bowler you're fat (Simpsons)

7. He he he... Sorry, but these guys crack me up. (Simpsons)

8. I'm not crazy, it's the TV that's crazy! Aren't you, TV? (Simpsons)

9. You did WHAT? (Simpsons)

10. Well, those ivory tower eggheads have screwed us again. (Simpsons)

11. Fame was like a drug. But what was more like a drug was the drugs. (Simpsons)

12. How did the country lose it's way? When did we stop rooting for the man with a flamethrower, or an acid spraying gun of some kind? (Simpsons)

13. Ahh, we got to stop putting these 'Flavors of the Month' on. (Simpsons)

14. Florida? But that's America's wang. They prefer the Sunshine State. (Simpsons)

15. What the *fudge*. (Simpsons)

16 Well, they're usually funnier. (Simpsons)

17. You see, gibberish! All gibberish! (Simpsons)

18. We need to listen to these Ho-bags. (American Dad)

19. Guess how many boobs I saw today? (Simpsons)

19. Honesty is the foundation of the movie business. (Simpsons)

21. You're movie was more boring than church. All you did was yak, yak yak - you didn't even shoot anybody. (Simpsons)

22. Movies aren't stupid! They fill us with romance and hatred and revenge fantasies. (Simpsons)

23. Movies! What a ripoff! (Simpsons)

24. Woo! I like music! (Simpsons)

25. Welcome to my nightmare. (Simpsons)

26. Ooh! Pointless nostalgia. (Simpsons)

27. Does anybody need that much porno? (Simpsons)

28. This situation is guaranteed to end up in pregnancy. (Simpsons)

30. I want to set the record straight. I thought the cop was a prostitute. (Simpsons)

31. Stop spouting those hackneyed quips. (Simpsons)

32. Thank you, ramrod. (Simpsons)

33. All that sex for nothing! (Simpsons)

34. That's what she said! (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

35. If he's so smart why is he dead? (Simpsons)

36. Quit stalling, fatty. (Simpsons)

36. Well, that was a stinker. (Simpsons)

37. Hey tubby, want another pop-tart, tubby? (Simpsons)

38. Toobular Boobular song *long clip*

*New* 'Wasted' & 'High' Clips - Added 11/23/08

1. You do a lot of wacky tobacky, Mike? A lot of Mary Jane? (Mystery Science Theater)

2. I am so baked! (Mystery Science Theater)

3. When you first saw this you spilled your bong water, didn't you, Mike? (Mystery Science Theater)

4. I'm really wasted right now, you know. John Bonham died! (Freaks and Geeks)

5. Look at them, they're wasted! (Freaks and Geeks)

6. What do you think we are, hippies? (Freaks and Geeks)

7. No, thank you. I prefer to get high on life (Freaks and Geeks)

*New* Misc. Clips - Added 11/23/08

1. Anybody care what this guy thinks? No! (Simpsons)

2. I just want to say it's been an honor to compete with the chick with the rack there. (Simpsons)

4. That's some langauage you got there. And you speak that way 24 - 7? (Simpsons)

6. Dallas sucks. (Freaks and Geeks)

7. She's a slut, obviously. (Freaks and Geeks)

8. Pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly. (Simpsons)

9. Looks like another homosexual party boat. (Simpsons)

10. We're gay and republican. (Simpsons)

Hippie Clips - Added 8/17/08

1. Why did you open your bong hole, you smelly hippie? (Futurama)

2. The one called smelly hippie is right! (Futurama)

3. You must have smoked some bad granola. (Futurama)

*NEW* Football Clips - Added 9/7/08

1. Who's ready for some football? Football! (Simpsons)

2. Football's so great. (Simpsons)

3. What could be more exciting than the savage ballet that is pro football? (Simpsons)

4. And the Raiders because they always cheat. (Simpsons)

Clips - Added 8/10/08

1. What a terrible joke! (Monty Python)

2. That's not funny! (Monty Python)

3. I like men now! (Simpsons Movie)

4. Before we eat don't forget to thank the Lord for this - *splat* bountiful penis! (Simpsons Movie)

5. If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico! (Simpsons Movie)

6. Thank you, boob lady! (Simpsons Movie)

7. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay! (Simpsons Movie)

8. What's the matter, cat got your bong, man? (Freaks and Geeks)

9. Don't pick a fight with me, I have to introduce Bush. (Freaks and Geeks)

10. Just when I think he's as queer as he can be, he goes and does something even queerer! (Freaks and Geeks)

11. I just want to know something. Just how queer are you? (Freaks and Geeks)

12. C'mon, I'm taking you to hooters! (Simpsons)

13. Sounds like we're being boarded from the rear! (Family Guy)

14. I mean, the thought of dick being exposed to any criminal element... (Batman)

15. It was dull. Dull, dull, dull. Oh God it was dull! (Monty Python)

16. It's dull, dull, dull, my god it's dull! It's so desperately dull and tedious and dull and boring... (Monty Python)

17. Ok people, listen up. Let's not get cocky just because we have the home field advantage. Now you all know your stuff, just stay clear headed and we all blaze through this. (Freaks and Geeks)

18. This is going downhill fast! Let's cut to commercial. (Talladega Nights)

July possibilites - Added 7/20/08

Misc. clips - Added 7/20/08

1. Oh, c'mon! Why does it always have to be a racial thing with you blacks? (American Dad)

2. You wake n bake every day. (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

3. Wake n bake! (Mystery Science Theater 3000)

4. Are you sure you're a fully accredited and bonded pornographer? (Simpsons)

NOOOO! Clips - Added 7/20/08

1. No, no, N - O - O - O! (Futurama)

2. No! (Futurama)

3. No! (Futurama)

4. No! (Simpsons)

5. No! (Simpsons)

6. No! (Futurama)

7. No! (Futurama)

8. No! (Marge Simpsons)

9. No! (Lisa Simpsons)

10. Lisa, No! (Marge Simpsons)

Gay clips - Added 6/17/08

1. Queer *cough* queer *cough* (Simpsons)

2. Homo *cough* homo *cough* homo *cough* (Freaks and Geeks)

3. Nice fella. Wonder if he's gay. (Homer Simpson)

4. That was a gay old time. I ate my share of wieners that day! (Simpsons)

5. Chinese bamboo gobblers. (Simpsons)

6. Homo? (Freaks and Geeks)

Quagmire 'Giggity' clips - Added 6/15/08

More 'Giant size cans' clips

1. These big cans are one third larger! (Old Radio commercial)

2. The supply of these giant size cans is limited. (Old Radio commercial)

8. Screw the theater! (Family Guy)

Misc clips

1. Fat chicks need love, too. But they gotta pay. (Family Guy)

2. Well, this was a big bust. (Simpsons)

3. Huh! Bunch of douchebags! (American Dad)

4. If you turn the channel I'll hunt you down and kill you like the dog you are. (Just Say Julie)

6. We should all be proud to be homos. (Freaks and Geeks)

7. Cause you are a slut, slut. (Freaks and Geeks)

Misc. Clips - Added 5/24/08

1. Welcome to Hooterville. (Green Acres)

2. She showed her nobs in a steakhouse. (Arrested Development)

3. If you'd be so kind as to expose your breasts. (Arrested Development)

4. It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain link fence. (Arrested Deveopment)

5. But be warned! One glance at the rack of infinite wisdom could drive a man to madness. (American Dad)

Other Clips added 2/17/08

2. Practically everyone who's acted in, produced or even seen a play is gay. (Simpsons)

7. She's an MRF. MRF? Mentally Retarded Female. (Arrested Development)

8. Nooo! (Marge Simpsons)

9. And you still think our next President should be a woman? (30 Rock)

10. I don't know about you, but they're not exactly winning me over with these lousy production values here (Simpsons)

Keep up the good work! Edwin from La Mirada

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